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by Alveena Salim

Parent’s Evening

I hate them with a passion.

You meet parents who get happy over the fact that their child spends more time in the Head Teachers office than in the classroom.

You also see parents who don’t understand why I’m making a big deal over the fact that their child can not write their own name. To them, their child’s scribble is the work of a genius.

You get some who use Parent’s Evening as an excuse to try to sell their child’s teacher dodgy mobile phones and almost- brand- new- IPOD’s.

Some Pakistani parents see it as the ideal opportunity to put their matchmaking skills into practise.

One parent spent over 30min talking about her messy divorce case and mental illness.

One parent was ready to spank their extremely able and well behaved child on the spot, just cos I said that their child forgets to bring her PE kit to school on the days we have PE.

One half naked- extremely sunburnt mum was just wanted to talk about how hot I must be under my hijaab.

You get the “I want my son to be a doctor – why haven’t you covered algebra in Maths this year” pushy parents.

And then you get the “I couldn’t care less about the standard of his handwriting – he’s only gonna end up on the dole like his old man anyway”

Some parents depress me by telling me that, it doesn’t matter if their child doesn’t know their times tables yet, as they’re looking to get her married when she starts year 5.

Some still hate on me for taking their job. Others tell me that, they’ve always loved the religion of “you Mozlems” cos they enjoy a “Mozlem curry every Friday night”

My dad used to make me cringe too at my Parent’s Evenings. He told me off in front of my French teacher cos I got a B in French. Apparently, my incompetence in French made him want to hang his head in shame. He then proceeded to tell my Deputy Head teacher off as she had yet again confiscated an item of clothing that wasn’t school uniform.

I’ll probably be the annoying – “I too am a teacher pushy parent – I need to know what level my child is working at and why hasnt he/she covered xyz according to the National Curriculum”

My childs teacher will probably hate me too.