I’ve been fortunate enough to be part of a weekly dhikr class. In this class we prepare a topic and at the end of the week we have an informal dhikr class based around this topic. Our class usually ends with dhikr and dua.
I absolutely love this class. I love the feeling of peace I get when I sit in this class. I love how excited I get when I know it’s Thursday because it’s the day I have my class. It takes me four days to prepare for this class. I work around my young children’s needs to ensure that any spare time I get during the day is spent in preparation of this class.
Most of all, I love how this class gives me a focus. Something to think about. I think about it all week.
When my son is at nursery, it’s what I think about. When my daughter is napping, it’s what I think about. When I’m doing mundane tasks such as laundry and cleaning, it’s what I think about.
And because of this class, despite being a stay at home mum with two young kids. I don’t feel lonely.
However, as is the case with modern life and external expectations. It is sometimes difficult to accommodate the commitments of all the attendees of the class and as a result, sometimes the class is cancelled.
On the week that I don’t have a class, by the end of the week; I’m suffering from anxiety. I’m thinking about how people have wronged me. I’m thinking about who has let me down. I’m obsessing over things that have happened years ago and getting upset over them as if they’ve happened yesterday.
I’m consciously aware of the fact that, it’s because my mind is idle. When I’m alone with a day ahead of me that consists of marinating chicken for dinner and ensuring my children are clean, fed and rested. Those are the days that I find it hard to control my thoughts. This is because my mind is not being challenged. I don’t have anything to study, learn, look up, memorise etc so instead, I’m thinking of all the people who have wronged me.
A wise man once said ‘if you do not keep your soul occupied, it will keep you occupied’
By nature I do not have control issues. However, I want to learn how to control my mind. So that it does not end up controlling me. This is because when I’m not in control. I become scared of Myself. And when I’m scared of Myself. I dislike my own company. I do not like staying at home. I seek out friends and end up shopping at malls as a distraction. And I know it doesn’t help. It only numbs the pain. If anything, it exacerbates the problem, because when I’m alone again, it hurts more than before.
The Prophet (saw) has said, the world and everything within it is cursed, except for the remembrance of Allah (Dhikr), what facilitates it, the scholar and the seeker of knowledge’.
Without doubt the company of Him, is the best company of them all. May He always keep our thoughts busy with His remembrance.